Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize