She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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