Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
