Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
