so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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