You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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