you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
