idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
