i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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