I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
