pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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