You really coming over, don't trick.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
