I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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