so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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