my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
