i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
