She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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