this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
