your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
