Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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