Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Who died my cat blue again?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
