The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
