I wish I could punch you in the face.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
