that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
wow bdsm is so cute
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