I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
