I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
