i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
