I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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