There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she told me i tasted like america
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
