he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
