He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
