Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
