just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
