At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
