I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
