you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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