you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
