Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
