Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
