I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize