yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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