Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
