is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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