were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Two words: blizzard sex
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize