seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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