I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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