I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
