My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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