Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
