I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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