Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Is it because I queefed?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
