I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
