i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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