Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
