I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
