oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
