I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
