At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
