I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
