i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
