Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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