How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
