So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
