3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
