Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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