During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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