bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
