Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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