Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
