so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
