I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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