Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
