i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
